Prayer

Dear God...

I've finally realized my flaws and faults. I know I need you to help me work on them and her as well. I can't do this alone. I need you and I need her. Please grant me peace and grace as I walk through this. Help me as I begin to take this leap of faith. Love me and her unconditionally, and walk with us as we go along this journey called life. I love you. Thank you. In Jesus Name. Amen. P.S. Please let it not be to late.

Valentine's Day

On my journey home yesterday from your house I cried like a baby. I don't think I've cried like that since December. I promised myself I never would cry like that again, but you can't control your emotions in that way. I remember having a talk with you and you telling me you'll never stop crying. There will be times where you need to cry and let it all out. There will be times where certain things hit you out of nowhere like this weekend did for me.

As much as I tried to not focus on this weekend, subconsciously my brain was there. That's why I was like the way I was when I walked into the house. I was depressed and sad. And my cry attack flared up in the car again after being alone and thinking about it. That Alicia Keys song I dedicated to you last year was the trigger. I couldn't help but think about everything we did last year together, and now knowing your reasoning of why you didn't want to travel to Coronado because of all the things it represented this year. I think about where we were exactly right now... 12:53pm... probably on our way to Coronado. I know I can't look at the past and wish it were now, but I miss those days sometimes. I'm grateful for what I have with you now, even though to you it doesn't seem like it.

Another reason why I cried yesterday when I was sitting on your bed, because I knew how I treated you... how I assumed about things...it wasn't fair to you. You've changed... in a good way. Apologizing for snapping at me. I can't help but love you. There are a lot of things I want to say and need to say, so that's what this Valetine's Day will be about. Appreciating you for the things I don't appreciate you for. I know you try your best in the only way you can at this point in time. So although this Valentine's Day will be different... We're still celebrating it.