hm.i love you.

I don't know where to start, nor do I know when this will end. I have so many things i feel like i need to release. So many emotions and feelings that i feel like you should know about. things that i want to get off my chest. i love you. three simple words, but yet it doesn't even seem like enough to even scratch the surface of what i feel for you. there's like this deep down incredible feeling i get when im around you, get a message from you, or even know that there's a chance i can see you. something about the way you love me gets me so worked up and emotional. sometimes i just feel like crying because its so overwhelming, i don't know how to handle it.

i know you're not him and sometimes its hard to separate that when its been the same old habits for the past three years. but i really am working on that. sometimes its hard to believe that i have indeed moved on to something so much better. its hard, because sometimes its easier for me to revert back to old ways, because that is what i know. it was always predictable. i always knew the outcome. i was... comfortable, but NOT in a good way. more in the settled way. settling for less because it was better than the last, but still not the best. settling because i thought the real thing would never really come to be. settling because i thought i could fix and change him. settling because things started to happen the way me and him had planned. settling because i was afraid of taking a chance and allowing you to consume all of me fully. i guess sometimes i just feel like i don't deserve you and the way you love me. i feel like because i endured him for three years, that's what i had to settle for, that that was as good as it got. and you came and proved it all wrong.

sometimes a person is so open to love others no matter their flaws, that's its hard to believe that they could have that same unconditional love back. and when it comes around, its hard to accept it. change is always hard no matter what, good or bad. i got into the flow of things, and i talked myself into the "well that's just the way things are" mentality that i felt like there would never be anything better... that the situation BECAME my something better. and then BAM one day, the real thing comes along, and i wasn't too sure how to act with it. i didn't understand how to allow the real thing to make me happy and to let go of the settled. its hard to make the transition. some people make it, and some don't.

I'm determined to make it, because no matter how many irking thoughts i have, i KNOW i deserve this. i deserve you. i deserve my something good, FINALLY. i deserve that true unconditional love. and i realize that you're the only person that could give me such a thing. so when i say i love you.. it just seems too simple because there's more to it then that. there's more feeling behind it. i love you seems too mundane of a phrase to use for you. its not profound enough. but in some odd way, it says it all. it wraps every waking emotion i feel about you into three simple words... that are too simple, but yet perfect all at the same time.

I don't know. i just love you. all of you. for who you are. always.