If I were in your shoes

I can't even bare to think the pain you feel
Though I've felt pain it still doesn't compare... This is for you.

If I were in your shoes

I'd scream bloody murder
For I walked through life
With no regrets
But yet I let this one escape

If I were in your shoes

I'd want to crawl in a corner
Wither and die like a flower
On a hot summers day
The sun having no grace

If I were in your shoes

I'd inflict pain upon myself
Showing myself the reality
Of what's going on inside of me
Wearing the pain inside & out

If I were in your shoes

I'd want to go back
And fix everything I broke
Make things right with him
Wishing I never choked

If I were in your shoes

I'd tell the girl that I've cross paths
That I love her, but I love him
That I made a mistake by being with you
I'm sorry for the pain I've caused

If I were in your shoes

I'd tremble at the fact
That I'd never get another chance
At what I've always wanted
That I have to live with that regret

If I were in your shoes I'd feel the same you feel.
If only I were in your shoes
You wouldn't have to face all the things in front of you
I'm not in your shoes, but I want to walk alongside of you
As you walk
In those shoes

LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE

LIVE- Live as if there is no tomorrow. We make mistakes and decisions each and everyday. Some are good and some not so much but that's a part of living. Don't take things to personally in life, because it will just tear you up and life's to short for all that. Live with purpose and strive to be the best YOU only you can be. Don't run around worrying about what if they don't like me or think i'm this way... words from a wise person... FUCK 'EM... Everyone is given a life, what they do with it is on them and them alone. You can't live for anyone else but you, and that's what I've been learning. It's good to take time out to be with you. Make you better for that one person to join you and become that unit. When living life as if there is no tomorrow, I'm not saying do everything you feel the need to do. Take each moment as it comes, and each day at a time. That's living life.

LAUGH-Laugh even when you know deep down you want to cry. Smile because you never know who's looking, and needing that boost of hope. Laughter cleanses the soul, just as much as crying does. It's okay to be sad sometimes, but never forget to laugh and smile in the midst of pain and sorrow.

LOVE- Love those around you who deserve your love, and love those who have hurt you. I'm not so much saying love the hurt they've brought onto you, but love the person you've become after overcoming that pain. If you haven't, now would be a good time. I know there are some things I thought I've overcome but in reality I've just suppressed it. So now is the time for me to face those hurts head on and then let them go. You have to love yourself enough to not allow those things to hurt you anymore. So whether you meditate or pray, release it so that you won't have to deal with it anymore and allow love to occupy that space where that hurt and pain once resided. It won't be easy, but who ever said life was easy in the first place.

My smile of the day...

Love this little kid. One of my close friend's baby. This is so priceless.

Torn

As life moves forward i can't help but sit in this at the moment. The sadness, the guilt. Though you say you made the decisions, my hands are just as bloody. Knowing everything I knew, still I pushed for something that I knew wouldn't be healthy for the both of us. If I claim to love you as much as I say I do, I should have loved you enough to just have left you alone. It wasn't about me. It's not about me. I just couldn't let go, and at this point in time I still don't want to let go. I know it's selfish, but you just mean so much. I think of him and you together, and I'd rather see that then him with someone else or you with someone else but me. Sounds strange I know. I see us all being friends and civil down the road, not sure how far off that would be. I had a dream of you and him having little Brooklynn and I was there with you guys in the delivery room. It was as if we were one big family. There was no pain, no animosity, just peace. I'm unsure how likely that would be a reality ~shrug~.

I'm torn. Yes I can see myself moving on, but I feel like that would be a long time from now. There would be no other choice. Meeting new people I can deal with, getting to know them fine. Hanging out and going to the movies sure, but when it comes to the whole being intimate thing, that's a no go. You were my first, and I want that to be cherished. I can't picture myself holding anyone else the way I held you, or someone holding me the way you do. I can't see me kissing anyone else's lips but yours. I can't see myself falling in love with anyone else the way I fell in love with you.

Apart of me just wanted to wake up this morning hoping everything that happened last night was just a bad dream, but then I see the tear stains on my pillow and realize no it was reality. When I was drifting to sleep and had tears stream down my face all I wanted to feel was your arms wrapped around me telling me it would be okay. I just wanted to feel and hear your heart beat against my ear.

Every time I hear you say I'll be better off without you, or just to go on and live my life I begin to cry. I don't want to live without you. I don't want to live my life without you some how in it. I need you in my life. I need you to be in my life. In some way shape or form. I need you, and I'm torn because I know you need me too.

I could really use a wish right now.

If I had one wish I really don't know what I'd do with it. I mean with everything I've been going through you would think I'd use it for one thing in particular but then that would be selfish of me.

Love is hard.period.There will never be happy days without sad days. Love is something unique and special, and with love comes pain as well.

The thought of losing you hurts to think about. Tears begin to stream as the thought comes to mind. Memories can never be erased, and I wouldn't want them to be either. You tell me that I should have listened to those who told me to run, but I'm glad I didn't because despite the situation that we're in now we have a lot of good memories. I wouldn't change that for the world. Though I wouldn't have gotten hurt, I feel as if the hurt is worth the memories we have. Everything in life happens for a reason.

Hold it in your heart and mind that I'll always love you. Forever and ever. I will always love you, and that will never change. If I had one wish right now it would be for all of us to not feel the pain we're feeling.