Deserie Faye Valentine-Palacio. My Strength, My Heart., My Mom

For some odd reason my mom has been really on my heart lately. I mean how many times a day do you truly think about your mom in such a way that makes you want to just break down and cry, because of the love she's given you and showed to others along the way of her life.

What brought me to this point of breaking down just about 5 minutes ago, is knowing that my mom is going to be turning 40, December 27. I know looking at this pic you wouldn't think my mom would be turning 40, but yes folks my mommy is gonna be 40. I guess you're probably wondering, okay you're mom is getting older like everyone else. But what drives me is that for half her life, she spent being a mother to me. Do the math yall, half of 40 is 20... which means she had me at 20, and how old am i folks...OOO yeah 20. She spent half of her life loving me, caring for me, and being there for me in countless of ways.


Once upon working 2 jobs and still being a mom to both my younger sister and I. She made sacrifices I still cry over to this day, like her bringing home left overs from the nursing homes she worked at. Grant it the food wasn't all that grate, but it was better then nothing. People at work would make fun of her yall, straight up clown my mom for trying to survive, but my mother didn't give in. She was focused, and knew what she had to do in order to make ends meet for us. When she had to work double shifts at work, and couldn't afford a babysitter Adonia and I would always go with her to work. Okay now at the age of 6 and 3, how would you like to hear old people screaming while you're trying to go to sleep in one of those hospital beds. Can we say scariness... But there was no other choice for us. My mom is a woman of humility, and that showed in these two examples I've shared with you.

I always ask myself why do I love people with so much compassion, because that's what I saw my mom do. Why am I so giving and caring of others well-being over my own well-being most of the time, because that's what I saw my mom do and continue to do. There's so much this woman has taught me, and sometimes I take those things for grant it. She taught me how to love well and how to give expecting nothing in return. She taught me how to be there for people when they need you, because you never know when you may need them in return.

I thank God for blessing me with her. She has the most beautiful spirit. She's a woman I hope to be like someday. I feel like I have a long way to go sometimes, but she encourages me to keep striving to be the best I can be.

When you think heartache you think...

Sadness, grief, lost, pain, hurt, weariness, weak, guilt, conviction and many other array of adjectives that can relate to the above. All those adjectives can describe heartache and how it can be brought about.

After pondering for a few months, and talking to a few of my mentors I've come to a realization of another thing that can bring on heartache. The mending of a broken heart.

As the old saying goes, "Sometimes things have to get worst in order to get better." As we begin to surrender our lives to Christ, he begins to do a work in our heart. Taking out things, rearranging, drilling, and scraping all the things have broken our heart. It hurts so bad sometimes, you think because of past sins that God is coming back to punish you, which could be true when it's all said and done. But that punishment isn't Him seeking revenge. It's because He cares enough to let you know, what you did was wrong and that something better is to come of it all.

I've struggled a lot with the whole heartache thing, not enough to say I'm an expert, but enough to be aware of the feelings that come with it. Life is hard with everything that's going on in it. Much of it we're unaware of what's taking place in the world a majority of the time. Everyone feels heartache to a degree. But what I've learn is that heartache isn't always negative, even though it feels uncomfortable for the most part. Sometimes it's God doing some rearranging, and allowing light to shine in those places that were once dark and hidden. I'm seeing that heartache won't last forever, because soon enough all the pain and tears of this world will be no more.

All we need is love...

It amazes me how much I've focused on this hurt brought upon me long ago, and forgot about the good times shared with this person. Easily persuaded by others to just forget everything and move on. I can finally say that this hurt and anger no longer resides in my heart that had before for 2-3 months now. This hurt/pain has shifted towards love.

Life is to easily molded and shaped by hurt. Seeking revenge, or wanting that person to hurt just as much as you did, or a greater display of passive-aggressive behavior is aquired. It's crazy now that i think about it. We all have or will experience suffering, it's a part of life. Whether physically, emotionally, or mentally; suffering will come and make it's mark on us. But what you do with it, is what will shape you and your character in the long hall.

Society says it's a part of human nature to be angry, upset, confused, and grieved when trouble comes our way, which is true. But where does happiness, joy, peace, and love come in? So many focus on just the negative, and fail to look for the treasure within the darkness. Many don't know that there are treasures hidden in darkness. The real lesson being taught, underneath it all.

The lesson I was taught through my degree of suffering is that your actions speak a lot louder then your words. If you say something you better mean what you say cause you never know when it will be put to the test, and your actions are gonna have to match up. In the midst of chaos you feel like you're obligated to say things in order to keep people close or keep a situation under your control; but when the fire hits, your words are then tested to be true or false through your actions.

I'd like to think of myself as a genuine person. The type that wears her heart on her sleeve, and is willing to go the distance for those she cares about most because she believes they are worth it. Over this past summer and grueling 2-3 months, my words were put to the test. Willing to be there for this person no matter what happened in the end. That I'd love her regardless of the circumstance and the things that would transform our relation to one another. That I'd be her friend, when times got rough. Even when the storm clouds fell. As much as she tried to push me a way, I'd be there. Giving space, to let things run there course but being there just in case. It was hard, but love is what kept encouraging me.

Love is hard to find. Correction. True, authentic, genuine love is hard to find. A friend who will be there no matter the situation. Be there to lift you up, cry, and just hold you when things were hard. A person who would still be there for you. Arms wide open even when you walked away from them, chasing something they knew wasn't good for you, but they would not pass judgment on you anyways. It's easy for me to like people as for what they are capable of. But it's easier for me to love people for who they are and they were intended for. Creatures who are created to bear the Image of God, their creator.

Going to a bible school, you're required to take bible classes. Yours truly has the pleasure of taking Theology 1. We just got done going over the doctrine of humanity. One thing that stuck out to me, is how society is so stuck on the functionality of humanity and not the essence of what they were intended for. I was blown away, when my professor spoked on Functionality of humanity vs. the essence of humanity (I'll try and expound on this later). I'm not sure how I started preaching, but like my friend Tiff would say, "someone hand me the mic" LOL ;). But seriously, I think if more people were able to see humanity for what it was truly created for and not just look at the works/functions of humanity things would be a little different. I dont even know how I got here.

I don't even know what I was trying to say in all of this, except Love is the driving force of my life. Loving those who don't know what it's meant to be loved. Sometimes I'm in awe of how much God loves me, regardless of my flaws a love that I need to start showing. I know it's not gonna be easy, but that's the desire of my heart. But anways it's 1:55am and I'm rambling... this is a call for sleep. Peace out peeps.