It amazes me how much I've focused on this hurt brought upon me long ago, and forgot about the good times shared with this person. Easily persuaded by others to just forget everything and move on. I can finally say that this hurt and anger no longer resides in my heart that had before for 2-3 months now. This hurt/pain has shifted towards love.
Life is to easily molded and shaped by hurt. Seeking revenge, or wanting that person to hurt just as much as you did, or a greater display of passive-aggressive behavior is aquired. It's crazy now that i think about it. We all have or will experience suffering, it's a part of life. Whether physically, emotionally, or mentally; suffering will come and make it's mark on us. But what you do with it, is what will shape you and your character in the long hall.
Society says it's a part of human nature to be angry, upset, confused, and grieved when trouble comes our way, which is true. But where does happiness, joy, peace, and love come in? So many focus on just the negative, and fail to look for the treasure within the darkness. Many don't know that there are treasures hidden in darkness. The real lesson being taught, underneath it all.
The lesson I was taught through my degree of suffering is that your actions speak a lot louder then your words. If you say something you better mean what you say cause you never know when it will be put to the test, and your actions are gonna have to match up. In the midst of chaos you feel like you're obligated to say things in order to keep people close or keep a situation under your control; but when the fire hits, your words are then tested to be true or false through your actions.
I'd like to think of myself as a genuine person. The type that wears her heart on her sleeve, and is willing to go the distance for those she cares about most because she believes they are worth it. Over this past summer and grueling 2-3 months, my words were put to the test. Willing to be there for this person no matter what happened in the end. That I'd love her regardless of the circumstance and the things that would transform our relation to one another. That I'd be her friend, when times got rough. Even when the storm clouds fell. As much as she tried to push me a way, I'd be there. Giving space, to let things run there course but being there just in case. It was hard, but love is what kept encouraging me.
Love is hard to find. Correction. True, authentic, genuine love is hard to find. A friend who will be there no matter the situation. Be there to lift you up, cry, and just hold you when things were hard. A person who would still be there for you. Arms wide open even when you walked away from them, chasing something they knew wasn't good for you, but they would not pass judgment on you anyways. It's easy for me to like people as for what they are capable of. But it's easier for me to love people for who they are and they were intended for. Creatures who are created to bear the Image of God, their creator.
Going to a bible school, you're required to take bible classes. Yours truly has the pleasure of taking Theology 1. We just got done going over the doctrine of humanity. One thing that stuck out to me, is how society is so stuck on the functionality of humanity and not the essence of what they were intended for. I was blown away, when my professor spoked on Functionality of humanity vs. the essence of humanity (I'll try and expound on this later). I'm not sure how I started preaching, but like my friend Tiff would say, "someone hand me the mic" LOL ;). But seriously, I think if more people were able to see humanity for what it was truly created for and not just look at the works/functions of humanity things would be a little different. I dont even know how I got here.
I don't even know what I was trying to say in all of this, except Love is the driving force of my life. Loving those who don't know what it's meant to be loved. Sometimes I'm in awe of how much God loves me, regardless of my flaws a love that I need to start showing. I know it's not gonna be easy, but that's the desire of my heart. But anways it's 1:55am and I'm rambling... this is a call for sleep. Peace out peeps.
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