tHoUgHtS fRoM a FrIeNd WhOm I aDmIrE... lOvE yOu ChRiStInA

Why is it that the very things we desire to do we don't do, and that which we don't want to do we do? Why is God so gracious to us even though we are constantly sinning against Him? Why does He bless us with so much despite how much we slander and curse Him. How is it that we are loved unconditionally yet we love conditionally? Why do we repent only to sin again?
All of these questions equate to one answer: God is love, just righteous, perfect, holy, forgiving, patience, and unrelentless. He loves us despite everything we do or have ever done simply because He is God, and He is good. We can never understand why He chose, and chooses, to love us, but all I can say is I am grateful He does. I can honestly say that I have never treated God the way He deserves to be treated; He deserves so much more than I can ever give to Him. I do not understand why things happen in life, but all I know is God is with me through it all and that Jer 29:11-13 is nothing short of the truth. Even when I fail and sin completely against Him His arms remain open and ready to accept, love, and forgive me.
If someone were to have told me all of the sins that I would commit before the age of 20 I would be in complete disbelief, denying everything they said. It's amazing how we want to deny how sinful we truly are. If everyone were to completely, and whole-heartedly analyize their heart and life they would see how truly disguisting their hearts are, but many chose not to because they are ashamed of it and would rather live denying it all rather than repenting. On some level I cannot say that I blame them, since I know the pain, hurt, sorrow, and pure agony that comes with having to acknowledge and deal with it, yet it's amazing how releaving it is to acknowledge and repent from your sin. By nature no one wants to do so which makes the process even more painful since before the agony of cleansing the heart may begin, humility must occur, which can be the most painful step of them all. I guess a good comparison that can relate to this is when as a child I would fall on asphalt a lot while playing games and as a result I would skid up my knees pretty badly, so much so that my whole knee would be filled with asphalt, rock, and dirt. I remember the most painful part was when the nurse would have to pour hydrogen peroxide on it, which stung like no other, than proceed to "brushing" the stuff out of my knee. Oh how I agonized over the process of this being done, but once the whole process was better I too felt better than I had before it was cleansed out. Than of course comes the part where over the next couple of days, while it's healing that you bump it on everything and it reminds you of how painful it really is. Yet as the days go on it heals more and more, and every day it hurts less and less. Than the day finally comes where it doesn't hurt anymore and all that's left is a scar. Oh how I pray for the day when what I am going through is simply a scar, something by which I can tell others of only to glorify Christ. May my life never glorify myself, only Christ. I pray your heart will desire the same thing. Never give up, press on ward, and keep your eyes on Christ, He will give you the strength you need in order to do so.