Within this year I've been: bruised, battered, mistreated, misunderstood, taken advantaged of, manipulated, condemned, thrown to the side, put in second place, looked at differently, falsely accused, placed into various boxes (one of which I placed myself in), and much more.
These year events have been something so unexpected, for words to even describe. I mean with almost every bad there's a good right?!
Within this year I was able to see who was here for me. The whole Nicole situation proved just that. If you don't know it, just know when you point your finger at someone you have 3 coming right back at you. I had the finger pointed at me, and still til a few weeks ago she came at me so ARGH... I can't even describe it, almost judgemental like I guess (or at least that's how it came across). I know you're suppose to correct people when they're out of place, but didn't God say to do it in LOVE.
Also within this year, I found out that love/being in love or being in love with the thought of being in love can make you do some crazy things. That's where the whole AZ trip comes into play. Still to this day, I wonder why my love didn't turn into hate towards you. But then God told me, He didn't create me with a heart of anger. He gave me a heart of compassion, a heart of over-flowing love, and a heart of forgiveness. Not a heart of wrath, anger and hate... though i did go through those emotions I didnt remain there for a long while. It's normal to be angry...we're human. When we've been mistreated and done wrong, our natural instinct is to get mad, angry, and seek revenge. My heart belonged to someone bigger, and God was there through that whole experience, slowly pulling me out.
Now one can not relive these memories for the rest of their lives. It would be pointless and a waste of time. While you're sitting there wondering the what if's, the what could have been's are passing you by. There's a time to weep and a time to think of those things, but I guess that time has ran its course for me. It isn't bad to still think about the what if's every once in a while, but remember there's a lot more to look forward to.
So I won't be the one to open old doors, because there was a reason from them being closed in the first place. I won't take steps back, when I'm trying to move forward. I've come to far and worked to hard to be a victim once more of those hurtful events in my life. It takes a person of strength, endurance, and perseverance to move forward, and with God's help I know I am more then capable of moving forward. I know there will be times when I will look back, but I just have to remember where I want to be in the end. There's no time for unneeded drama. No time for unspokenness, when there was something I needed or wanted to express.
This is the year of the butterfly, and I plan on spreading my wings and flying off into the distance. I can't do that with so much weighing me down. Sometimes you have to let go and run your race, and in the end if those good things catch up with you then it was meant to be. ~Whatever Happens, Happens~
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